in search of my best life...

Adjusting to post-grad life has come with its fair share of ups and downs. On top of that, I put a lot of pressure on myself to develop routines and habits for success #TypeA. I was incredibly rigid with the goals I placed on myself and I also expected to have everything planned out. For example, I tried to plan how long I would stay with my current company, develop a thriving side hustle, plan my next international trip and devise a budget that would allow me to save almost half of my salary etc.

These plans may not sound bad - however, I never truly gave myself time to relax and breathe in this new chapter of life.

I experienced a real case out burn out after college. Plus I was already an anxious wreck. There also was definitely a time when I thought my job was supposed to be my life. It’s safe to say that I spent the first year of work consumed with the thought of doing the most. Anxiously, I thought it was my duty to pour everything into excelling in this space - a space that would not hesitate to fill my role if I dropped dead from overexerting myself.

I found myself fixating on my future and wondering if I was doing everything the “right” way in nearly every area of my life. Enter therapy. During my internal rat race, my therapist consistently reminded me to slow down and “enjoy the journey” but I was too in denial to receive this guidance.

I’ve come to understand that anxiety robs you of the ability to be present; instead you become a worrier and are generally unable to connect with others because you’re so afraid of imaginary worst case scenarios. I was afraid to let go of the version of myself that believed it was in control of everything and could anticipate all outcomes.

Writing that was easy but the actual process of letting go is still hard as hell. I’m also constantly reminding myself that it’s ok to have just a glimpse of the goal, I don’t have to have the plan all mapped out. I can relax and allow the Universe to pick up the details.

Right now, my biggest goal is to continue to do my best in the office AND cultivate the woman I want to be by taking small trips + seeing the world, building a life with my partner, nurturing sisterhoods, exercising, and eating well.

I really don’t have to have it figured out and the thought of doing so no longer resonates with me. Instead, my energy is shifting towards making each week meaningful and living intentionally.

I’m working on becoming a better, healthier version of myself. Less anxiety about questions I can’t answer + things I can’t control  and more life, fully.

How’s your best life coming along?